Breaking Down Walls.
How I Grew Closer to My Wife By Being My True Self
When I work from home, I like to dress up. Sometimes it's only boots and sometimes I like to dress up completely when there's more time. Working from home my wife occasionally hops by to do laundry for example, and every time she enters the room, she sees me being tense. She doesn't want me to be like that and keeps saying that I can be at ease when I'm dressed. This made me think a lot;
Why am I tensed when she's around when I'm dressed?
Sitting on the couch at night we talked about this and I found out I feel so because of two reasons; being raised in a Christian environment deep inside I feel like I shouldn't do this. I should act 'normal' like everyone does and feel convicted when I'm dressed. Secondly, it's because I know my wife is not attracted to me being dressed as Kirsten even though I know she accepts it completely because she knows what it means to me.
We kept talking about this and I began to see my wife does like the fashion items I'm wearing and that's why she's also giving compliments to me. The part of not being attracted to me as Kirsten is because she likes me as a man as her partner, and that of course I completely understand because I like and love her so much as my wife!
For the 'Christian part' and feeling convicted while I'm dressed, I recently listened to a great interview my wife send me. It explained how everyone is seeing the world through a pair of glasses and these glasses in a lifetime also change from time to time. The glasses help people to see God in a certain way they 'understand' but that doesn't mean that God fits in. People themselves change their perspectives during their lives, so how can these glasses be completely accurate?
It really assured me that the journey I'm on now is something God is ok with and He wants me to become my true self just like my wife does. If I remain pure in my intentions to both of them, I can be myself on this journey and won't need to carry a burden of conviction. Finding out about my true self can be heavy enough from time to time..
Do you recognize some of these feelings and struggles?
Feel free to send me a reply🖤
To be continued!
Not really. I just have to deal with it my own way. But I can say you have helped me just by saying hi.
I can relate, I grew up in a Christian home as well. My father was a music minister and choir director. I started dressing when I was 12 yrs old. Stealing swimsuits and other items. My parents would shame and send me to therapists and counselors. To this day I still feel shame.